hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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