i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
