Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
where am i from again
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize