Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
