If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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