ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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