I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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