I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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