When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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