Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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