I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
