Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
