....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize