My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
