I think I am morally bankrupt
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
