No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
