She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
