Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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