Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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