i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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