Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
