Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
