Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
