Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize