I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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