When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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