you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
