What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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