just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
