his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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