6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
