Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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