I've blown a few things in my day
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
