Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
