Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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