if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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