Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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