she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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