we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
