The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
