Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
