my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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