Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
