My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
