I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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