Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
