Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize