it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
