3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
