you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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