Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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