and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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