i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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