I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
