i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
