I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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