Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
