I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
