East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
