yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
