I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
