i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
