Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
