Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
