so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
a search helicopter?!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
