I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
