just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
