Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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