Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
